This week on “hold off, Is it a Date?” we are accompanied by Autostraddle President and

L Term

expert
Riese Bernard
to discuss: The Chart. That is right! This occurrence is about lesbian interconnectivity — hooking up with pals’ exes, pals hooking up with our exes, and also the society produced by all that crisis.

Come for all the news, stay for emotional processing. And before that enjoy a-game that assessments Christina’s boundaries: Would U-Haul? (Spoiler alert: she generally speaking wouldn’t normally.)

Thanks a lot for all the wonderful comments after our very own premiere! When you yourself haven’t however start thinking about giving us a rating or test!

SHOW NOTES

+ Five years ago Riese build an
Old Hollywood data
that is the intersection of my personal passions.

+ Here Is
the essay
We reference where I mention setting up using my roommates.

+ My crush associated with week Mj Rodriguez circulated a songs video clip on her tune
“Something to Say”
!

+ As somebody who has only observed a small number of episodes of

The Nanny

this montage
of Christina’s crush from the week C.C. Babcock was surprising for me with regards to ended up she and Niles aren’t both homosexual. (Christina informs me they generally nevertheless are.)

---

Drew:

I might end up being really okay along with it present. I might never include some other person without their own permission. But the idea of every time some body had been like, “concur that you are connected with me,” I would resemble, “Yeah, this is the existence I’ve resided. Really don’t worry about.” Usually unusual? Would be that problems?

Christina:

No, because if I wasn’t, i’d feel poor not. I’d be like, “hold off, I’m not lying?”

Theme track plays

Drew:

Hi, I Am Drew.

Christina:

Hi, I Am Christina.

Drew:

And welcome to

Wait, Is This A Romantic Date?

Christina:


Wait, Is It A Date?

is an Autostraddle podcast asking the major concerns. To begin with, could it be a night out together? Exactly what are times? Who’re dates? Will we like times? These are the sort of concerns we answer about this here incredibly specialist and beautiful podcast.

Drew:

I’m called Drew Gregory. I am an author at Autostraddle and a filmmaker and, notoriously, a trans lesbian.

Christina:

I’m Christina Tucker. I am also a writer at Autostraddle. I am a loud queer on the web. Im getting better at explaining me as a writer and, notoriously, a lesbian. Which is you. Which is just who we are.

Drew:

Yeah. So the major topic this week is The Chart.

Christina:

I simply thought it needed a sting. I’m not sure. That thought truly remarkable, but i believe it required it.

Drew:

Yes. No, please, kindly, kindly. Thank you, thanks. No, no, no. The appropriate amount of crisis.

Christina:

Many thanks.

Drew:

Yeah. Therefore we’re dealing with lesbian interconnectivity.

Christina:

I enjoy that phrase since it seems like you will need to restart the lesbians. It may sound such as the connection to the internet is not functioning.

Drew:

Yes. It’s very advanced level, extremely innovative, additionally has been in existence since there has been lesbians, i believe.

Christina:

Yeah. I believe scholars will say once they found the very first lesbian fossils, they discovered an information alongside of them created into the mud. And that I think that’s just what that movie is mostly about, proper? It is more about the information? That movie with Kate Winslet therefore the mud fossils?

Drew:


Ammonite?

Christina:

Yeah, that is what it is more about.

Drew:

If only

Ammonite

involved cave females. I’d enjoy that lesbian motion picture.

Christina:

Really, as I haven’t observed it, i’ll courageously say that it actually was. Cool.

Drew:

Yeah. Because it’s like we’ve a lot of lesbian duration parts, but we’ve never ever gone back that far. And that I think it’s the perfect time we perform.

Christina:

Let’s only hold using it more back in time.

Drew:

Before we become to your primary topic, you are however learning all of us. And that I felt that it might be enjoyable playing a casino game where you men could truly learn Christina. So our icebreaker for this few days is actually some game that we call “Would U-Haul.”

Christina:

I am, again, very stressed about this. This may you need to be just how I come to the game. This could be my video game mindset, a tiny bit high key, just a little stressed. Which is ok. We’re all understanding.

Drew:

I think that’s great. In my opinion that may move you to more susceptible, maybe.

Christina:

One of the best feelings.

Drew:

Simply a horror, only an acute terror. So that the method in which “Would U-Haul” works is actually I’m going to describe a situation. Let’s refer to it as Christina follower fiction. And that I’m probably pause after each and every small section are similar, “Okay, Christina, I’m sure which you have never ever lived with somebody, don’t want to accept somebody. But under these situations, would U-Haul?”

They write: https://lesbian-mature.com

Christina:

And I will possibly say yes or we’ll say, “I’m prepared.”

Drew:

If you don’t — really, we’ll see here. But I’m excited. In my opinion i have maybe cracked the signal.

Christina:

You damaged the code? I am thrilled.

Drew:

Let’s see how very long this takes. Assuming there is a constant do, I think you victory? I don’t know exactly how there are champions here.

Christina:

I don’t know there are champions in the video game of U-Hauling.

Drew:

Really, I don’t know in the event that you’ll agree with that following this. Thus I’m getting going.

Christina:

Reasonable sufficient.

Drew:

Okay. Thus, Christina.

Christina:

Drew.

Drew:

You are at the pal’s wedding. Despite the multitude of romcoms you consumed, you did maybe not head to this marriage thinking you’ll meet any individual because, really, this is simply not a romcom. This is the genuine and regular life of Christina Grace Tucker. You are taking the designated seat and therefore are glancing at your phone once you understand a female at the dining table is looking at you. She presents herself as the pal’s former babysitter. She’s stayed a buddy associated with family, but she does not actually know anyone there. She appears to be mid-forties and contains a striking angular face. You set about talking. She offers to produce a glass or two. So when she stacks up, you recognize she actually is six legs large, 6′ 3″ in heels. Which means you understand what? I am just gonna stop there and stay like, at this stage, would U-Haul?

Christina:

I’m intrigued. I am fascinated because i would get set during that marriage. But to date I’m not U-Hauling everywhere.

Drew:

Cool. Which is totally reasonable. Entirely reasonable. Okay. So you spend the entire wedding ceremony getting to know each other. There’s only an immediate spark and immediate chemistry. And indeed, you are doing connect while the gender is remarkable.

Christina:

Tight.

Drew:

And this marriage was a student in Northern California. Which means you both expand the stays for a few times to shag and explore and eat at restaurants and bang. And you also offer to split the price of the now shared place, but she laughs you down and is also want, “certainly not, honey.” And so the then 3 days tend to be miracle. You feel your walls tumbling straight down. You’re dropping quicker than you ever have actually. Would U-Haul?

Christina:

Very just for quality’s benefit, i am having difficulty imagining some sort of for which we took three surprise days off strive to go out with an individual i really do perhaps not understand. That looks bonkers. But if i did so, great for me personally. But i am simply not U-Hauling at this stage. It will likely be a no.

Drew:

Great. Okay. Which is good. You merely came across. I get it. I get it. Okay.

Christina:

Thank you so much plenty.

Drew:

So she comes back to nyc and also you go back to Philadelphia.

Christina:

That’s where I live.

Drew:

And you are texting constantly. That’s where you reside which is in which this lady lives. And you are texting on a regular basis and you see each other several times a month. She actually is extremely hectic together with her task, but she actually is quick purchasing you a train violation so you’re able to arrive see the lady and stay at her gorgeous brownstone in Fort Greene. Immediately after which 6 months pass. And another night if you are out over supper, she asks that move around in together. Would U-Haul?

Christina:

And proceed to Nyc? I really don’t really like ny. No, I am not moving in at the 6 months mark. I am not performing that, no.

Drew:

Okay, okay. Totally, entirely, totally. Wow. Okay. You hold internet dating long-distance. She realizes that you need some time and the woman is happy to anticipate you. A few more several months move. It’s now been over annually. Your property owner lets you know that they’re offering your place to a developer who is setting up condos, and that means you can’t restore it. You should get a hold of a new place. The now girl informs you that no stress, but her provide still stands. Would U-Haul?

Christina:

Okay. At this point, i might U-Haul for a couple of reasons.

Drew:

Yay! Ok. Please tell us.

Christina:

Mainly, in a global where my property owner offered my house to build up it, my personal landlord is currently my personal best friend, making sure that seems like one thing has gone wrong in our relationship. And I also might choose to merely keep Philadelphia in any event. If in case I have to go in with my girlfriend over right here, that looks great. Which is great. Completely okay. But yeah, In my opinion i may need an external force like a mean landlord.

Drew:

Which is therefore — okay. I did genuinely believe that might must require construction getting indeed there, thus I’m glad We realized that.

Christina:

Yeah. Which is precisely what has got to happen to me personally first.

Drew:

Well, I’m happy to understand what it takes. So theoretically, if you weren’t knocked away, how much more hours?

Christina:

Frankly, that may went on for a long period. Philly and New York aren’t also that not even close to one another. I managed to get room over right here. We are bouncing back and forth. We’re having memories. I could have permit that roll for a long period until I guess Shoshana becomes the worst person i understand.

Drew:

I did not realize Shoshana had your property. Well, there you go.

Christina:

There we go. Wow, that was exciting.

Drew:

Well, thank you for playing.

Christina:

I’m stressed, as obvious.

Drew:

And that I’m glad that I’m sure… Maybe if you should be ever, therefore if anyone’s ever online dating both you and desires you to definitely move in, possibly your sweetheart informed Shoshana to market your house in the interest of your commitment.

Christina:

Honestly the quickest method — somebody would just have to speak to Shoshana and stay like, “only kick this lady completely.” Then she’d resemble, “Yeah, positive. Definitely.” That would be the way it took place, although she failed to offer the house. Somebody would you need to be like, “are you able to only kick the girl away therefore she’s going to merely overcome it and move in beside me?” And she’d say yes. A hundred percent she would do this. That is what friendship is.

Drew:

I love that.

Christina:

Yeah, that is truly beautiful.

Drew:

Well, I believe like we learned a lot in regards to you.

Christina:

Thanks. I’m like We learned alot about myself personally, too. Threat of homelessness is really the matter that keeps me personally moving in any situation, i suppose. Wow.

Drew:

Well, that’s great.

Christina:

That was actually exciting. I am just as thrilled to move into all of our main phase because In my opinion speaing frankly about lesbian connectivity using this guest, because of this unique visitor, In my opinion it’s going to be remarkable, Drew. Just how are you feeling?

Drew:

I’m therefore excited. It is a specialized. By that, I mean an

L Keyword

expert, but some an expert in topic at hand.

Christina:

I think a couple of things are correct, my friend. I think two things can be real certainly. Will we need present the visitor or do we want our very own visitor to introduce by themselves?

Drew:

I would personally love our very own guest introducing by herself.

Christina:

Guest.

Drew:

I shall say that all of our guest is the only Riese Bernard.

Christina:

Guest, talk.

Riese:

Hi, I’m Riese. And it is unusual to-be the guest!

Christina:

Yeah, it is.

Riese:

I got to not say anything. I did not actually get it done. I did say circumstances. I had to sit down right here calmly.

Christina:

Therefore had been truly daring. As well as your faces were appreciated.

Riese:

Thanks so much.

Christina:

Though that is demonstrably a sound average, I want all of our listeners to know that Riese had been making some good effect faces during “Would U-Haul.”

Riese:

There’s various ways is heard. Do you know what after all? That’s what i say. I’m the Chief Executive Officer of Autostraddle.com. And I also’m additionally on an undefeated kickball group. And that is me personally. I have your pet dog known as Carol. And I have actually outdated people.

Christina:

Congrats about kickball!

Riese:

Thanks. I have been involved with individuals.

Christina:

Great. Enjoying that. That’s fantastic to take to this, this here online dating podcast. Which is great.

Riese:

Yeah. I believe that… will there be anything else?

Drew:

No, i do believe which is great, Riese.

Christina:

Whatever you wanna discuss.

Riese:

I enjoy raspberries, the fresh fruit raspberries, and pools.

Christina:

In Contrast to…

Riese:

You Are Aware when someone goes like…

Drew:

It’s like when you strike. Yeah.

Christina:

Oh. Those tend to be terrible, thus I simply just exhausted them from my head.

Riese:

Yeah. And that is all.

Christina:

Great.

Drew:

Really, I instantly considered you with this topic.

Christina:

That is true.

Drew:

Because firstly, demonstrably, queer women and non-binary people in lesbian society have already been like, I don’t know, sex with individuals who people they know have had sex with since a long time before

The L Term

was actually ever before a string. But i actually do feel like

The L Keyword

solidified a specific social idea of the chart with Alice Pieszecki. Therefore I felt like you would have lots of insight into this subject.

Riese:

It is correct. A couple of article writers, i do want to say, of

The L Term

had this genuine data of those in addition to their buddies these were drawing on the wall surface or whatever. And Guinevere Turner, In my opinion, was actually one. She talked to you about it, which they had constructed this. Because demonstrably, everybody because creator’s area had banged people within the author — you know, and also the prolonged internet of that generation of lesbians in Los Angeles. And in addition they watched can these were like, “Why don’t we put it within the program.” Many of these take the chart. Like, some of the people who … like, real people are about data as bull crap.

Christina:

That is amazing. Which is the way you learn you’ve made it.

Riese:

Isn’t that precious?

Christina:

That will be thrilling for me personally.

Riese:

And thus if you haven’t seen

The L Term,

first, congrats. Secondly, it becomes the centerpiece of a single of one’s head personality, Alice’s, apartment. She has it all over the woman wall structure. Looked after is the name of a web site that they began labeled as ourchart.com that flopped. Together with idea … And it’s for the pilot, I think. Within the first event, Alice starts speaking about exactly how everybody’s connected, because everyone’s hooked up with this person. And I also can connect you, as you’re most likely a maximum of two degrees far from me. And therefore had been correct. Like, despite Dana, who’d very restricted experience because she had been a closeted golf player, they however could hook up the girl. And that is real world since it is genuine.

Christina:

That’s culture. Yeah. That’s what tradition appears to be.

Riese:

Which is culture. Which is queer culture there. And from now on everyone helps make their very own maps.

Christina:

Yeah. To make certain that would definitely be my personal next concern, was have either people made a chart? Because I really don’t believe We have, I am also style of now considering like, that was this last year resting within my residence for if I failed to create a chart? Like, what was the point of that, truly?

Riese:

I believe i have completed it within my diary, equally like … Because i love, I don’t know, organizing information, i suppose, as an idea workout.

Christina:

Yeah, I think which is in addition why i’m astonished that You will findn’t accomplished it. I prefer the idea of categorizing situations.

Riese:

Appropriate. Yeah. Since it is interesting. I don’t know the reason why it really is so interesting, but it’s. Its interesting are like, wow, many of these individuals, they’re linked. It is crazy.

Drew:

Regarding the program, as soon as ourchart.com is devised, they will have a genuine data that individuals will add stuff. And I feel like something that you joked pertaining to on

To L and Right Back,

and now folks say everyday is like, if this existed in a genuine method, nobody would put their brands onto it, not one person would feel comfortable putting their unique names on it.

Riese:

Might.

Drew:

I’d. I would personally be very good with it existing. I’d never add some other person without their unique authorization. Although idea of like, everytime someone ended up being like, “make sure you will be connected with me,” I’d wind up as, “Yeah, oahu is the existence I’ve resided. Really don’t care about.” Is the fact that weird? Is the fact that problematic?

Christina:

No, because if I happened to ben’t, I would personally feel poor not being … i’d be like, “hold off, I am not about it? Like, i am sorry, exactly what?” No, that will really send myself into lighting moral panic about whom i’m as you, everything I’m performing. Am we interesting? Would folks {like